Deviation Actions
Literature Text
CHAPTER FOUR
Tezuka decided to head home after unexpectedly seeing someone at the tennis courts. Who would've thought that it would only take a tennis match for him to really believe that Kazumi came back for real? And how come he didn't know that she could play tennis, too? How come he never knew that part of her life? They were friends before, right?
Before… That word made him feel like something sharp stabbed his chest. That's right… His and Kazumi's relationship—to be specific, their friendship—was a thing of the past now. Unfortunately, it was a past he couldn't find in him to let go no matter what. Why would he? He never had a chance to tell her the one truth he'd been meaning to tell her before she left more than two years ago. He wanted to let her know that truth if it would bring Kazumi back to him—back to his life—again.
When he stopped walking, he noticed that his feet led him to that special place again. He looked around and that was when he realized that he was in front of the memorial hall. He smiled sadly at that realization. It has been a long time since he last went there (that is, even before he subconsciously allowed his feet to lead him there two days before the semester started) and he couldn't help remembering a lot of memories he had in that place. Of course, most of it had him and Kazumi in it. After all, those were his treasured memories of the one person he surely loved at least for once in his life.
But with what happened a while back, could he really say the same thing to himself?
Heaving a heavy sigh (which he seldom do), he decided to go inside the memorial hall since he wanted to see the changed it had. Along the way, he saw a portly middle-aged woman happily dusting off the furniture there. Thankfully, that woman allowed him to enter the memorial hall and have a tour for a while.
But as his feet began leading him to the piano room, he couldn't understand why his heart started thumping wildly for some reasons. This has never happened before. Not unless—
"Why?"
He was startled at the voice when he heard it. It was from a young woman, to be exact. Or at least that's what he had heard. He decided to take a peek inside the room but then he was surprised to see the person sitting in front of the grand piano. That brown-haired girl was facing a picture frame.
Even if he was just looking at her back, he could see it from there that she was sad. Not only that, he could already identify who was that brown-haired girl since he memorized her silhouette right down to its detail.
"Kazumi…" he whispered, almost inaudibly, with a sad and pained tone in his voice.
He was then broke off from his trance upon hearing her talk to the picture frame again. Kazumi's voice was cracking; her sadness and pain were evident in it. It made him want to reach out for her but it wouldn't be as easy as that and he knew that.
"Why am I being so weak? I had the chance earlier to say what I wanted to say to him, Ojii-chan. But all I did was to run away and regret that later. I couldn't find the guts to talk to Kuu and say sorry for leaving him. I know the flower wasn't enough for me to convey my message to him—that I never meant to hurt him that way. But why is that, Ojii-chan? Why am I having a hard time saying it in front of him? I really, really want to apologize to him for what I did. I want to say that I could never forget about him and I could never do it. I mean, how could I forget the person that made me know what love is for the first time in my life? Even if he once said to me that I should forget about him and move on, I just couldn't do it… I just can't, Ojii-chan… I love him too much that it hurts me every time I see him. But I guess I'll never be able to let him know that. After all, he probably hates me now…" Kazumi said while crying in front of the grand piano and facing the picture of her grandfather.
Soon after, she sobbed that tore Tezuka's heart just listening to the girl's monologue. The last thing he wanted to hear from her was her cries enough to rip his heart to pieces.
He couldn't believe Kazumi felt that way about him. He never thought that she suffered the same agony as he had for a long time. Never did it come to him that he would be able to see Kazumi in this state. Now he realized that he had been a cold-hearted bastard before. And that bastard made everything seemed so wrong—completely wrong that he wanted to burst it all out in one scream which he hadn't done for so long.
"I need your help, Ojii-chan. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't go on living like this. Please give me the courage to talk to Kuu and say what I wanted to say to him. This is the only way I know I could forgive myself…" Kazumi added as she continued to cry.
Forgive herself? For what? She's not the one who's at fault with this. I am! But I can't even say that to her face to face… especially now that she couldn't do the same thing to me… What am I supposed to do? Tezuka thought after that and then he decided not to enter the piano room anymore. He couldn't possibly let it be this way any longer.
Kazumi already did her best to convey her feelings through the means of the music box and the one flower that partly bound them together—the purple hyacinth. It was his time to do the same. He has to end their suffering before something happens again that would probably separate her from him again—and this time, it might be forever.
He couldn't afford to let that happen. Not now, not ever!
With that determination, he headed home this time.
-x-x-
The next day…
Kazumi sighed as soon as she placed her bag on her desk the moment she reached the classroom. Thankfully, she managed to wake up early despite suffering from insomnia because of so many thoughts running in her mind. What did she expect? It was inevitable, anyway. She cried for who knows how long before her eyes finally got tired of crying and allowed her to sleep.
But even though her eyes were closed, her mind didn't rest thinking of one person that was making her cry right now. Even in her dreams, she could still see Tezuka and their memories together—happy memories that her heart had held on to for so long. God knows how much she treasured them. But would it still be worth it if she was the only one left holding on to it?
Geez! What the hell was she thinking? Was she still hoping for a miracle to happen?
"I think I need a drink…" she mumbled exasperatingly before she left her desk and went out. She had to go to the cafeteria and at least buy a drink at the vending machine. She needed that, after all.
But as soon as she slid the door open and slightly raised her head, her eyes widened at the sight that greeted her. She felt like the sight of Tezuka froze her to that spot since she couldn't even move. Not only her, but Tezuka as well since he was about to head out to his classroom when Kazumi opened the door. Both of them felt that they were frozen to where they were standing at. The people who witnessed the events yesterday at the tennis courts noticed this. But just as Kana said, the situation was already complicated. They wouldn't simply intefere with what was happening.
Kazumi was battling in her own thoughts whether or not she would run away. But then she realized that running away would never take her anywhere. In fact, the situation would only get worse. How was she supposed to handle this without her breaking down?
"G-good morning," she greeted and bowed slightly that caught Tezuka a little off guard.
He thought that because of what happened yesterday, she would avoid him completely. Then he realized that how she acted yesterday was a spur of the moment since emotions overwhelmed both of them. Only he didn't release it. Of course, their past was one factor for that to happen. But then, it seemed that she was still holding something back so she could only say "good morning" to him.
He faced her with his naturally stoic expression as soon as she raised her head. Her eyes showed a bit of reluctancy when they faced each other. And it made him do one thing he rarely does—to show off a smile.
"Good morning, Kazumi," he said which only made them think that the time around them seemed to have stopped moving.
They stared at each other for some seconds before she lowered her head to hide her blush and to hide her tears welling up at the brim of her eyes. That's why she didn't know Tezuka looked at her with slightly strained expression on his face even though it was just for a while.
"You're unfair, you know that?" Kazumi said in a slightly strained voice that surprised Tezuka. He waited for her to say something more. All he could do for now was to listen to her.
Now that he thought about it, maybe it was one of the biggest mistakes of his life. He never listened to her, to her reasons why she left that day. Even though she said that she had to leave since she had no choice, there were still some other reasons other than that. If he did listen to her that day, would they end up the same way as now?
Probably not. He could've come up with a much better way for their "relationship" to continue. He wouldn't have ended it like that, causing both of them to suffer.
"You're unfair… How could you still call me by my name like… like I never hurt you at all? How could you still do that knowing that you hated me for leaving you and hurting you two years ago? I can't even do the same thing to you without me feeling the pain that's about to choke me from within and it made me hard to breath. How? Have you managed to move on like what you told me two years ago?" she muttered that Tezuka still managed to hear even though it was said softly. But despite being said softly, he could still feel some hints of pain in them.
What I did to her two years ago… Did it really hurt her that much? And all the while, I thought I was the only one who suffered when she left… he sadly thought which he didn't show since he was actually facing her stoically. No one knew and they could never tell that he was already starting to crumble down inside because of regret for hurting Kazumi unknowingly a long time ago.
But before he could even say anything to counter that, both of them heard the school bell rang. And before he knew it, Kazumi entered the classroom which left him standing on his spot. How could time passed by so fast? He didn't even notice it.
A tap on his shoulder brought Tezuka out of his trance and musings. When he looked around, he saw his friends all looking at him with worried eyes. He didn't want to be looked at that way. But then he realized he wouldn't avoid it now.
They already knew the truth. And knowing his friends, they wouldn't stop until they discovered the full details. But right now, he has no plans of telling that to them. Not until he found a way to fix what was broken.
"Let's go. We still have class," was all that Tezuka said nonchalantly before heading to the classroom.
-x-x-
Two days later…
After that morning's last period, Tezuka decided to head out somewhere instead of having lunch with his friends. Fuji and Inui found it a little unusual but Oishi chose to keep quiet about it. Only he and Kana knew what was about to happen later with their help.
Tezuka reached the rooftop and just as he expected, Kana was there. She was looking at the sky with a smile on her face before she turned around when she heard some footsteps a few meters behind her. She wasn't surprised to see Tezuka approaching her with a light blue paper bag.
Why do I have a feeling that this is a lot like déjà vu? Kana thought as she waited for Tezuka to come near her.
"That bag's for Kazu-chan, isn't it?" she said. It was a statement rather than a question.
Tezuka nodded. "So you already knows what happened to us before…"
"Not really. Yes, I know you and Kazu-chan had a past but I have no idea what it was since she's not saying anything about it to me. We're childhood friends but that doesn't mean I could always ask her about her secrets so casually. I have to admit, I have a secret that I couldn't tell her at all. I can understand that. Besides, I'm not exactly a pushy person." And then Kana chuckled a bit. A few seconds later, they were both serious. "By the way, Shuichiro said you wanted my help, right? Is it about that bag?"
Tezuka looked at the paper bag he for a few seconds before he sighed and nodded to answer Kana's question. For some reason, it was easy for him to approach Kana. Probably because she was Oishi's childhood friend. Or maybe not just that.
One, Kana was already acting as a barrier to shield him and Kazumi from being exposed further, especially if it was about his past with Kazumi.
And two, she was his only bridge to get closer to Kazumi. So far, Kana was more than willing to help him and he was glad for that.
"You think you can give it to her before she goes home?" he asked and handed her the bag.
Kana took it and didn't even dare take a peek. "I will, if it will help the two of you," she assured.
"Thanks," he said sincerely.
"Thank me when you and Kazu-chan managed to work it out."
How I wish it works… he hoped before leaving the place. He looked up to the sky for a while. It was blue—cloudless blue sky, to be more precise. He smiled inwardly with a feeling in his heart that everything might work out.
After all, the sky was colored blue.
And blue represents hope…
-x-x-
Right after class, Kana gave the light blue paper bag to Kazumi just as Tezuka wanted her to do, much to Kazumi's confusion. Kazumi was about to read Miyako's new manuscript when Kana placed the mysterious bag on her desk.
"What's this?" Kazumi asked as she opened the bag.
"It's from a friend. He said that he wanted you to have it. Don't worry, that friend of mine is totally not dangerous so I did him a favor of giving that to you."
"Why do I have a feeling that this 'friend' of yours is someone we know of?" Miyako asked as she approached Kana. "But I guess you wouldn't tell us something about that… yet."
Kana just gave a mysterious smile that Kazumi never managed to see since her eyes were fixated on the content of the paper bag. It has two small bouquets of flowers in it—one of which was different from the other. The blue bouquet was consisted of the flower astilbe while the indigo bouquet was consisted of the flower arbutus, both of which she knew the meaning since those flowers were just some of the many flowers being grown on her mother's garden. That garden was located on a secluded land a few yards west of the memorial hall.
But who would give her such flowers at a time like this?
"Flowers? Why give her flowers hidden in a paper bag?" Hanako asked when she saw the content.
"That friend of your, Kana, sure doesn't want the content of his gift to get attention," Aika said as they all looked at Kazumi who seemed to have been frozen to her spot as she looked at the flowers.
When she looked in the bag, Kazumi saw something else aside from the flowers. If she wasn't mistaken, it was a postcard-sized not written in an autumn-colored novelty paper. It was the same color she used to give to Tezuka during Christmas, New Year and even his birthday. So it was pretty much like her favorite color already—the color that first bound them as friends.
Kazumi took the note from the bag and took a look at it, only to be surprised to see a familiar handwriting on it. Was all of this a replay of what happened to Tezuka when she gave him (practically) the music box and the purple hyacinth? She wasn't sure but there was that possibility.
She couldn't help wondering what Tezuka might have felt when she saw her gift.
She shrugged the thought off of her mind for a while and tried to concentrate to the note on her hand. But then she realized that Tezuka was trying to help her gather her courage to talk to tell him everything.
A certain sentence in the note made her realize that.
I'm sorry if I hurt you two years ago because of what I said. I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you. I guess all I did to you was to bring you sadness and pain that made you cry. But I couldn't find it in me to give you up just like that. I can't do it no matter how hard I try. That's how important you are to me. No matter what happens, I'll still be waiting for you even if it takes me forever to do so. You're the only one I love this much, Kazumi. At the very least, I want you to remember that.
Kazumi couldn't figure out what to do next after reading that. That note itself contained pretty much all of the thing she wanted to say to Tezuka face to face. Her hand slightly quivered as she continued to read it over and over, trying to make herself believe that it wasn't a dream, that all of what she read was true.
Unknowingly, hot tears streaked down her cheeks as she put the note to her chest, near her heart. She could feel her own heart beating fast yet it felt calming for some weird reason. She felt she had returned to the past as she relished Tezuka's written words in her head. And she had to do something for her to live in that past once again—to the past when she and Tezuka were able to talk to each other and let their feelings pour out.
With that determination, she faced her friends who were looking at her with concern in their eyes.
"Mind if I let you take care of my things here for a while? I just need to talk to someone," she said while placing the note and the bouquets back in the paper bag.
And it seemed her friends knew what would happen. Aika took the bag from Kazumi while Hanako started pulling her towards the door.
"Don't come back to us without a good news, okay?" Aika said firmly and yet with a smile. "I won't give this back to you if you gave us bad news."
Kazumi looked at her friends. They all had encouraging smile on their faces that definitely made her all fired up inside. In a way, she didn't want to fail them so she would do everything for things to work out between her and Tezuka. He already gave her the courage and the chance for her to do so.
"You can do it, Kazumi. We know you can," Miyako said and gave her a thumbs up.
Kzaumi showed a real and grateful smile towards her friends. "Thanks, guys…" she said before taking off and ran with all her might to reach her destination—the tennis courts.
"I never realized that Tezuka-san could do such a thing. I thought he doesn't even have a 'romantic bone' in him at all," Miyako jokingly commented as she looked at her manuscript that Kazumi was supposed to read a while back.
"What are you talking about?" Hanako asked as she took Kazumi's things.
"Those flowers were like an indirect way that he thought of so he could confess to Kazumi."
"You mean an indirect confession?" Aika asked in surprise. Miyako nodded with a smile. "But how did he do that? And besides, is that even possible?"
But Kana already figured out what Miyako was talking about. "I think she meant the flowers that Tezuka-san gave to Kazu-chan. You saw the flowers, right?"
Both Aika and Hanako nodded after they exchanged glanced to each other. "You mean the astilbe and the arbutus?"
"But how would that amount to a confession?" Hanako asked confusingly.
"The flowers' meanings…" Kana answered.
That was when Aika and Hanako realized something.
"I think Kazumi already knew those flowers' meanings because she was staring at it intently," Aika said.
"Now that you mentioned it, I guess you're right." And then Hanako faced Miyako. "You know the representations of those flowers?"
"You think I would comment on something like Tezuka-san not having a 'romantic bone' in his body if I didn't know the flowers' representations? Flowers are key factor of a blossoming romance, in case you didn't know."
"Take it from the romance novelist," Kana joked that earned her a jab from Aika. "Ow! Be careful when you give that jab, would you?"
The four girls laughed at that for a bit before Miyako answered Hanako's question seriously. "Astilbe means I'll still be waiting and arbutus means you're the only one I love. Now you know why I said it was Tezuka-san's indirect confession to Kazumi-chan. Those flowers contained the words he probably wanted to say to Kazumi-chan two days ago."
"He finally gave her an answer in return to the purple hyacinth back then…" Kana added before looking outside the window. I just hope it's enough to patch up and fix what was broken between them two years ago…
